FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
