Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
