my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
