Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
