If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
