For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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