just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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