walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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