I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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