Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
