OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize