TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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