Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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