I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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