were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
