so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
MIDGETS
????
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
