It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Randomize
