Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
