I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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