How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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