you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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