I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
