apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
