I puked a lego.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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