just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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