she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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