i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
soo... how was my night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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