things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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