Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
