He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
