babies were throwing up all over the place
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
