I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
