So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
