is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
