when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
