maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
false alarm. still invincible.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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