I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
