I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
