This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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