I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
