Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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