Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
this hospital has no fireball
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
