Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
