Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is Oprah even human
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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