So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
