so that wasnt chicken after all
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
