I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
