i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
