im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
