I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
