tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
