i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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