Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
