hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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