foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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