Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
