she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
