You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
