Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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