wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
