did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
