I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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