I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
