I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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