Swine flu. Run for my life!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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